I walked with you -

Oh I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream... Many, many times under strings of lights. Holding every breath, while asking God again and again if you are indeed His tangible expression of love for me and my son.  I've been writing prayers intently for four years now, for someone without a face and without a name. Yet maybe just maybe - for the first time in forever, all the pieces of the puzzle just showed me a glimpse of His face through you. Could it really be true? Is it finally you?  My heart cannot deny how many times it whis…

Lead me to a New Place, More of You

Draft after draft - not a single post since I wrote  Dancing on the Waves  has been published. Though there were so many notable memorial stones in between, and though I'm no longer where I was, I'm still in that "threshold" of crossing over.  It's been 6 months since the Lord woke me up to a sea of lights (on the 20th and 21st day of December), whispering promises of HOPE about a future that's already written by Him. At last I see the lights.  Lord how much longer will I wait? How much further will I endure? How much…

Dancing on the Waves. . .

The waves would rise and fall, yet Your hand would hold me so still... not letting me drown, not letting me sink. Constant, present, steadfast, yes You are - so much so that I can freely dance. It almost feels all of it is slowly coming to an end, and I'd soon have to face the shore, but tonight I'll be dancing on the waves, letting You lead. . .  AI Generated image of what I feel at the moment. 11.29.25  May I just stay here, Lord? Far from anything and anyone that could hurt me again? :(  The fire from Your watchful eyes would consum…

Mind under Siege, But Living under Grace.

Abba, Father - You still the waves of my fears. When I'm anxious and weary, You quiet uncertainties. Abba Father - You know the depths of my heart. I often want it my way, but Your ways are higher than mine. When the cup of redemption was grievous to bear Christ submitted Himself to Your will, so when the battle rages deep within me I will trust You and declare : GOD YOU WIN. I surrender, not my will but Yours be done, I COMMIT, I SURRENDER, all my days and I am. I will choose to obey like Christ I'll pray :  Not my will but Yours be d…

When Saturdays Seem Longer Than Usual

We've all been there - spiraling through somber in-betweens while tirelessly carrying the weight of the unknown, as deep calls to deep. As written by the sons of Korah in Psalm 42 :  I long to drink of you, O God, to drink deeply from the streams of pleasure flowing from your presence  (As the deer pants longingly for water brooks)  My longings overwhelm me for more of You!  My soul thirsts, pants, and longs for the living God.  I want to come and see the face of God.  There's a stark difference between pitch black Saturdays of broken …

JESUS I don't want anything but You You're more than every dream come true All of the things I thought I wanted don't come close to knowing You Now that I'm Yours and You are mine Our love is the secret that I find I'll spend forever in the pleasure I've found looking in Your eyes More than silver or gold, You are the treasure that I hold .  Now that I've tasted of Your goodness, nothing else will satisfy.  GIVE ME JESUS.  You can have all this world - I don't want anything else, I don't need anything else Y…

Wrapped Around My White Flag

painting by Clare Elsaesser  You have my attention, I see love on the throne. Give you my affection, no it's not my own.  Unspoken words entangled with songs in the night - like the books without pages our hearts can read. You have my devotion. Give you all oh my King, I lay down my emotions... undone, unseen.  In that secret place, His secret place, as pure as it can be. . . I've tasted, the sweetest melodies brought to life by His breath. I've seen, a glimpse of His all-consuming radiance in every tear shed.  Yes you are... found…

March 6th. 3'O-something in the morning.  Still being burdened by my guilt and shame, still being pierced by my failures ----- I asked the Lord to give me His Word for me.....  (I've been reading from my digital bible for the longest time, and it's the first time I opened my physical bible and voila! ISAIAH ONE.) At first I thought it was too heavy to bear because it talks about the unfaithfulness of Israel, and the many warnings...  15 was too painful to see, and it is something I cannot bear "when you spread out your hands, …

2023 : Where You Lead Me I will Follow

I've seen how empty life is without the Lord. I've seen how exhausting the journey is to be lukewarm with Him. I've seen how restless I can be when I burden myself with tasks, things, and decisions that are not approved by Him. I've seen the horrors of disobedience, and have been bled dry by all the unnecessary wounds that came along with it.  Psalms 34:8 has a sobering verse that reads " Taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him".  Ah, once we truly  taste and see His goodness, i…

Moments of Wonder (Slow Dancing Past Midnight)

There are only three things I regret before I turned 30 :  1. Not writing enough ,  2. Not taking enough photos / videos, and  3. Not seeking and obeying the Lord soon enough  While there is redemptive hope for #3 because of His promise in Romans 8:28 "He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose", there are times my heart still aches for moments I wish I could still relive - even in fragments, had I chosen to write more, or capture moments as they happen. But November is the perfect …

The Beauty of Discipleship | Why it Matters

I wrote a speech for my discipler's wedding today and shared it live. The next day, I was prompted by the Lord to make this video because it would be such a great honor to share to the world the beauty of discipleship. This video is best viewed with SOUND ON ) If you're new here, hello dear! I've been blogging since 2005. I got pregnant out of wedlock in 2017, and suppressed all my thoughts and emotions because of the waves of misery, uncertainty and brokenness. I stopped writing, praying, singing, creating; I isolated myself and w…

Where Do We Go From Here?

There.  I was there, awkwardly swaying across the fated candle-lit dinner, naive in wonderment of how time and timing found me.  I was there, singing fiery notes in doses of wonder while whispering sad songs of untitled romance  I was there, running past the dazzling tree of yes towards the horizon that gave me a glimpse of a wonderful adventure  I was there, hand-painting the first treasure chest to fill with wonder but the years started filling it with pearls  I was there, fiercely sailing through the storm with the wonder of a child-like fa…